Time bends for no man

Now what was the concern in a party and festival to learn people who celebrated the knowledge without concern. Trouble starts and fights are put down at last, learn to celebrate and not fast.

Peyote is a friend and can make light bend but not for amusement but to save a friend. Magical supplies are rich in this world learn natures toil.

It celebrates anew those that pass through leaving something for all and you. There are places in this world that hold this legacy so learn to challenge a few.

Assumptions hold that madness is foretold but in reality it’s how you are told. The poison drop not the whole brew learn the cactus and you. It’s not for fun but to dance is to be as one it’s a communion and need to be with grace.

The beauty of a place might recognise the lack of fear and rise again next year. So go and celebrate I hear your time helps and it’s great healing the energy of the forest and field.

We can all respect it and also to show that the bounty keeps us going through snow. They come year on year and thing drugs are a chemical cheer but in reality they are a sacred bond.

To yourself and the earth to plants that want us to thrive and offer something to us as they die. To be born again and to have nourished a friend it’s important to begin and not force nature to bend.

Once you know they there is spirit and grace in everything we can begin to end the chase. To put right year on year enough of the evil that burns close and near.

So we end us knowing that we can help a plant by asking it so and sometimes it’s enough to know. What was the focus what was the task I can only hope it wasn’t a farce.

Such power says that we need it to bend but knowing is the real friend. Everything happens and happens again and we don’t force such things at knaves whim to bend.

Nature is my friend.

Be water my friend

Now I heard a call after a ship bought in all. I know I fell from the chase and found a new foundation and base. It’s intent to try and the brush comes from the third eye my crime is to care enough to try.

There wasn’t a tear when the drop fell near just the knowledge that I had to rise and cheer. Stories are told of your solid steel and gold the young minds know you are there and why.

So your own self is the one longing clarity and wealth because we do move through and with stealth. Not to know but because it has to be so they hate and cover their shame to leave and go.

Learn your friends they may hear your mind in the wind so keep up the pace and the fight. You are an animal and all reicarnated not in free fall your lives before you are long and tall.

Many more and always all 50% is the worst case for a fall. Look around you and see the evil grin those that try anew to begin. I had to tell you to stop but I tried it too, wood cuts and bleeds through.

I don’t carry steel except the ephemeral while real we cast aside all hate to stand by and feel. Many tried and once two met and cried that they knew each other before they died.

Your friends are around you and there are so many more don’t fear the sea and culture of steel any more. An intellectual a monk of course it’s welcome with the travelling trunk I don’t want to goad but perhaps the samurai needs to know the toad.

I should offer you all to say that they welcome us all but the truth is we fight to keep everyone from free fall. An well travelled heel you shouldn’t fight to know steel but to find a friend that is willing to heal.

Bridge the divide and relax a while we have achieved to much even as child. The fight is long it’s our daily battle song and when we see it we can relax and get along.

To know the fold two halves that have learned every day and when told. If you find yourself in the fold of evil intent and confusion of stories told, learn to play the game your are yourself today and if it’s seen as something anew, observe and let them spin their pot and stew.

I know myself and my past with all of it’s stories and wealth and I write for those that know. You were great and it’s not a trick or poison plate you don’t demonstrate it for those that debate.

When needed use it everyday perhaps to amaze and let them wonder their words away. Perhaps we entertain but really we protect our mind body and brain because are soul is good and we are the same.

Our goodness comes from our essence and our study of presence so doubt may creep in. Knowing that you do this and will do it again every life and even have another friend is how we feel real enough to make time bend.

Gather your strength by being with people that help you blend and be your self. Be water again and flow into bowl and cup they won’t ever know and we cherish the luck.

If you find yourself in pain learn to heal and steady the brain perhaps it’s the assassin again. Find a kind hope a home with herb and clean soap a meal is all you really need.

Practice again but without the blade and a real friend enough to share a meal on table and flow and bend. If the tongue is too hard just think and share your scars. Your battle is long and the friendship a bond.

Free Will & Self Determination

All art comes from a desire to create. This form of creation is more often than not an experience rather than physical object. Making is the preserve of production but art is about the creation of a sensory and emotional experience.

Most of my poetry and art has been fuelled by the desire to create aesthetic beauty. Beauty always has an element linked to desire and ultimately sex, the fundamental human sensory experience.

Sex is not subjective it requires a peer to be able to enjoy the experience and art is essentially the same. Art can’t be enjoyed without some form or mutual peer appreciation.

My art has often been focused on expressing and making sense of my subjective experience. Often isolated I never sought out peers to have that exchange of mutual appreciation.

I have been cursed with a self destructive habit of destroying my life’s works without seeking guidance from a peer.

This frustration comes from a distrust of the people around me and the efficiency and efficacy of trying to promote my art. People are paralysed when it comes to engaging with me directly about my art or even with me socially.

In this day and age the desire to cling on to everything we create is powerful but we can’t ever retain everything. I also suspect that I have been exploited wholesale with my expertise and labour.

Inspiration for my art has come for a continuous desire to be approached. For someone with an inquisitive mind to show an interest in me and what I have to say.

I have never wanted to force anyone to like or enjoy my work and thus I wait longingly for someone curious to seek me out. I can only presume that when I go about seeking people out I fail to see the value in what I offer rather than the burden I often feel I am.

My sex life and my art career seem to suffer the same fate. With me being stubbornly unwilling to compel anyone to do anything I ultimately want. This unwillingness to persuade comes from a desire ensure free will and self determination. The outcome means that I have only what I can hack, access, make or grow. My social engineering skills are far more subtle than that but it leaves me with very few options.

This is my fundamental flaw

One step to freedom one more step in chains

I have been navigating the endlessly complex procedures involved in email security and the disparate and conflicting information and tools. Trying to use software and services that protect my freedom can lead you into very murky territory.

The complexities of adding SSL certificates and verifying them can be a daunting prospect. Ever since I slowly began adopting the advice I found online and around me I have been trying to fathom what kind of person ever pursues such secrecy.

Using free software is surprisingly simple even if a few proprietary services don’t work out of the box. The sticky ground is not the device you use but who’s devices you are talking to and what services they offer.

A personal computer can be just that but in this day and age it a networked device. The more you explore these networks the more find.  If you aren’t content pouring your heart and soul onto the servers of businesses like facebook twitter and google you can quickly shatter your rose tinted spectacles or mirror shades.

Exploring an device and a network leaves you open to all kinds of finds. We quickly learn that so much of the web is automated and did we really ever know why we were drawn to those places and people?

Setting up on your own can lead you to discover so much about computer science and the modern day network society. The real question is what are you running away from and what are you running towards?

Perhaps on the journey you will begin to get a lay of the land. Take the time once in a while to go out of your house without any electronic devices and see how the world feels.

We may talk about smart phone loss anxiety and other phantom psychological symptoms. But are we really talking about losing our automated network. Our recommendations one in a million that are there to help us abject to our day and plan our lives.

Your phone doesn’t rule you but it is a feedback loop and whatever you seek there you will find. Don’t be too surprised if you find more of your kind…

Knowing

It’s almost indefinable as to when someone knows anything because we are fluid and not fixed. Books and all the forms we help fix knowledge into a constant are outside of us and are almost always always static.

The internet is probably the first truly concious knowledge resource. As such we can never know it completely and however deep we go there is always more.

The desire for certainty is exactly the same reason that books like the Bible and Koran have such power over minds. They describe great thinkers and their struggles to teach the divine.

People often prefer to fix this divinity as a certainty and their holy books as constants. Thus god represents our own struggle for not only both certainty and a constant but the extremes of our particular spectrum.

To define it as such the necessity of hell was required. Most of these stories were merely setting the boundaries for an infinite world. I feel that truly enlightened beings are not certain or constant but merely extraordinary people who understand enough to teach in any way they can.

Loki and other trickster gods and goddesses are no more mischievous than some exploits of prophets. Even Jesus visited a wealthy man for a banquet in many guises, was he trolling someone just to find out whether someone was really capable of goodness?

Ultimately all witches shaman prophets goddesses & gods are truly only human navigating the infinite. How we deal with evil is our own chance to teach what it really means to have lived backwards.

Business Vs. Media

Both industries aim to give you what you want as cheaply as they can. That isn’t about giving the profit directly to you. Both depend on secrecy and if not obscurity to function and most importantly they always depend on impulses.

Impulses rule all our purchasing decisions as purchasing requires a link between a conciousness free and fluid world and the trigger of some real world interaction. No matter how much you study or research a purchase you are always at the whim of your own interaction with the fluid and the solid.

Impulse still rules that dividing line. It could be said that politics is a galvanised form of this impulse and voting left or right seems to be the same impulse. It could be said it’s a vote for how much you trust the media you are getting versus the businesses you interact with.

Backslash Forwardslash Minus Dash

I’m keeping busy on so many projects. Keeping my website running and useful is quite a challenge. I haven’t had many leads from hosting a web presence but upkeep is a constant challenge. There seems to be something to do on almost every page. Keeping up with blog posts is always hard.  Maintenance of my devices is also leads to constant exploration and tinkering something that I spend most of my time doing.

The amount of information on different networks is huge . I’m still reliant on face to face interactions to help inspire and network and that can be scary. I have applied for a work study place at Ravensbourne on of my many haunts.

I am definitely missing out on the normality of work or study and I’m not sure where to draw the line with my life online. I have explored so many social networks and now I have come to a place in my life when it’s overwhelming. The constant barrage of information can sometimes be too much. It’s hard to make sense of so much input.

I spent so much of my teens running away from myself. Now I’m not so sure how that really translates. Trying to be true to myself is a very exiting and real possibility but with it comes an added responsibility for myself. Not caring about who I am or what I say or stand for is surprisingly soothing. True liberation comes from knowing yourself and your chains.

Saison Poetry Library

This might be over a year late but I thought I should mention that I performed at the Saison Poetry Library on the South Bank some time ago.

I was overwhelmed by the offer of paid work to read poetry and after delays with my administration I actually did receive my £50 for the reading.

To be honest I never really understood how much work goes into getting something as simple as a performance fee. Suffering as I do with my mental health I find that everything is harder than it should be.

I quickly found myself disengaging with society and finding the kind of work I could do. Collecting money or a salary always came with so many responsibilities. They were never responsibilities that I couldn’t manage but they always ignored the potential for overload.

I get overwhelmed so often that the my mind just can’t cope with the expectations placed upon me. When money is at stake it gets really messy, and quickly. I still haven’t been able to earn the kind of money that would pay my rent.

So I remain dependent on the ESA. Perhaps one day I will know what it means to earn my own keep. I’m trying to get organised for a January Exhibition at one of my favourite coffee shops.

I hope to be showing my art at 119 Lower Clapton and for the first time I hope I can have the tenacity to value my work in proportion to what it took out of me to create.

Art is a joy but it can be exhausting to create something overwhelmingly personal that you aren’t really sure will every be valued by someone else.

As artists we create because we have an over riding need to create but as no one ever asks us to create anything and we don’t see the value it has in society because of it.

So much of my life has been spent creating but it almost never sees the light of day. I have started and lost so many projects it’s hard to keep count.

I can never be sure of what value they really have when no one need ask me to create nor feels the need to pay me.

Something so undervalued goes into every interaction with a medium. People want to own anything of value and undermining your work only ever helps bring down the price and any chance of getting it into the marketplace with the potential of earning a living wage.

I hope one day to earn my true potential in a way that doesn’t damage me but as for now I’m just trying to make sure I can eat.

Tinker

Over the last few weeks I have been coming into London Hackspace to do what I always do, tinker on my computer and phone. I have been trying to understand my own patterns of interaction with computers and while at a complex level never seem to bear anything tangible in the traditional sense.

I spend hours exploring and installing, testing and tinkering with my device. The critical engineering manifesto  best describes how I see computers and human computer interaction.

I was always fascinated by computer security and although I studied computer science at university I didn’t ever go about teaching myself anything formal.

I was an explorer and it’s strange what you can find in your own computer or on the internet just by being inquisitive. Software doesn’t always have to be about code. I know how to program but computer security comes from the bottom up.

That foundation isn’t assembly language but people. If you are a detective you wouldn’t leap to the most complex of fantastical theories first you would rule out all of the most obvious explanations and then begin to explore the impossible.

I haven’t had a top flight career as a computer security expert but I know more than most. My foundation came from being a user first and most importantly an inquisitive one.

So while I don’t build complex software I know it’s out there, and I know that as free software there are so many tools out there for me to perform any computing task. These tools aren’t for breaking into computers as so many of us are lead to believe but functions that can process our interactions.

As a computer security expert I know that security isn’t about the code. It’s about the intentions of those that want to break the law. So many hackers are put in an awkward legal position simply because they like to explore.

But those evils that lurk on the net and perhaps on our computers are pretty easy to sum up. Most evil manifests through corruption, secrets and lies and the driving force seems to be a desire to torture, steal, murder or rape. Think of a circle, triangle and square.

You may say there are lesser crimes or that assault doesn’t have the full intention of Murder but I think they do in some small way. We all have some guiding force in our interactions and pure evil is just a fairy tail.

So how does this relate to computer security? Well those foundations of crime are all factors in planing and instigating any crime. Some would say only torture and theft could be really exist in a computer but our digital devices are not autonomous.

Abuse on you-tube or piracy on the internet are big business but the fact is that all three of these foundations are out there. Very real people use their computers daily for fun and for work but others turn to these devices to plot and scheme and not just from behind the keyboard.

It took me some time to ever really see the evil around me. It was something for fairy tales and films. We can forget how subtly crime manifests in society.

As a Buddhist I once considered how reincarnation might reinforce habits and behaviour. I thought of a bell curve of the world population with a dividing line marking that crucial point where people either look left or look right.

The population of those lips of the bell are reserved for a very small percentage of very special people. We can’t imprison a quarter of the world population or hopefully less. I haven’t done the actual figures of a quarter population of a lip of a bell curve but hopefully we could always be there to step in.

So after training for so long in a field that might be very lucrative to criminals I’m frozen into a bind where I don’t want to every approach an employer for fear of them being one of them.

I know that I need to find a path into employment with some confidence behind me and for all of the exploring and study I have done I can and will find real world validation.

So many people stood in my way growing up and the worst was myself. I knew I had so much to say but in reality my mind was a mess. It turned out to be a beautiful creative and strangely extremely logical mess but I had to find my own voice.

So many of us are taught by our parents and teachers but in reality we are not receptacles for information. We have to find our own creative and analytical thinking and it’s complex daily interactions in the workplace.

But if you are in an environment where you are being distracted at all corners and by the unknown you have to fight just to be yourself. So this month I have been tinkering like I always have and it’s been exhausting at times but I know that I can something concrete in it as I move forward.

I know that I have priorities that are deceptively simple and they are universal to humankind. I need to keep reminding myself of them every day and to realise that we don’t really need everything, we just need a few pieces of each.

  1. Food
  2. Clothes
  3. Shelter
  4. Tools
  5. Comfort
  6. Love
  7. Sex

If you can remember those, perhaps one a day, then you might find yourself in a better place mentally. You have to be ready to embrace your situation and to work towards each of those goals.

My tinkering keeps me happy in it’s own special way and I know that I am achieving great things day by day. Hopefully they will manifest into something I can call a career and finally break away from the stigma of my mental health.

I can offer so much to the world but if I just let it take and not give I won’t ever have the comfort of real security,

I Make Things & I Break Things

I have a habit of tinkering on projects for years without showing anyone what I’m working on. No sooner have I got something up and running than I then go about systematically taking it apart.

I’m talking about software rather than hardware. Our possessions decay but so to does information. As websites or projects take shape I’m eager to see how they work under pressure. I create a lot of simplistic faults to find out what will stay the course.

These aren’t the actions of a child picking the wings off a fly but rather the natural decay in all things. There is nothing perfect in this world and everything goes just as it was created.

With web based services this can be as simple as changing an email address or picking passwords that are impossible to remember or even worse, both.

The desire for perfection assumes that there is a absolute truth. Like those that invest their entire being into a holy book. We as humans are drawn to perfection. We aspire to be perfect and work hard to be perfect but in truth we can never achieve such things.

So we build our cathedrals and then chip away at them. Perhaps we need something to focus on other than our obsessions but in truth it seems like the universe was built this way.

We can always start again or try to salvage something from the old but we can never have perfection forever. What we do have is a constant state of flux.

Some of us try to simplify the world to such an extent that we deny it’s complexity. That is because we are unwilling to see the divine in the order of the universe rather than whispers through history.

There is nothing certain in this world except change.